I'm With You
by energy
Summary: A slightly angsty, slightly sugary, and in my opinion (humble as it might be) pretty little Taikeru story. Give it a glance...Leave a review...


This is for Clear Skies-one of my favorite authors on FF.N, the Taikeru that I've promised for about a month now. This is one of those stories that just won't seem to get out of my head, so if I want to get any peace of mind anytime soon, I had to go ahead and put it down on cyber-paper. This is a little ditty that came to me while I was driving home to work while listening to Avril Lavigne's song, 'I'm With You'. I mixed the song with a few personal experiences and this is what I came up with. If you've not heard the song, go download it. It is such a pretty song.  
  
Tai picked up the phone on the fifth ring, somehow breaking himself away from the tv for just long enough. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey Tai, it's Koushirou."  
  
"Hey Koushirou, what's up?"  
  
"Well, I'm just calling to see if you've heard from TK today."  
  
"Actually I've not seen him yesterday."  
  
"Did he mention whether or not he was coming to Mimi's party tonight?"  
  
"Hmm, no, I don't think he mentioned it now that I think about it. Maybe I should give him a call." Tai sunk as deep into the sofa as he could and tossed the remote to the tv up in the air and caught it.  
  
"Yeah, I think you should. He's not been himself for a while now. He needs a night of fun instead of doing whatever he's doing."  
  
"You're right, as usual, Koushirou," Tai told him, imagining the smile on Koushirou's face when Tai told him that. He could see Koushirou puffing his chest out just a bit, standing a little taller. Tai knew how Koushirou looked up to him and he felt a little warm feeling after saying that. Tai grinned himself and gave a little chuckle.  
  
"What's so funny, Tai?" Koushirou asked in a mildly indignant way.  
  
"Nothing at all, Koushirou. Don't worry about it."  
  
"Whatever, Tai. Call TK alright?"  
  
"I will, Koushirou."  
  
"Now, Tai, before you hit the mute button on the remote again and lose your mind in whatever video is on."  
  
"Koushirou, sometimes I could swear that you were sitting in the room with me. If you would be so kind as to stay out of my mind, I'd appreciate it."  
  
"Well, Tai, it isn't exactly rocket science, you know. Even Mimi could figure it out. It's still raining outside, meaning no sports, so what else would you be doing?"  
  
"Good point, Koushirou. I'll do it as soon as you hang up the phone."  
  
"Alright. One question first, though. What video did I interrupt?"  
  
"Oh," Tai tried to remember, "it was that new Leanne Womack song."  
  
"Ah, what a great taste you have in music, Tai," Koushirou said with sarcasm dripping off his tongue.  
  
"You know Koushirou, if you gave it a chance, you might become a convert like Iori."  
  
"I somehow doubt that, Taichi. Keith Toby has nothing over Mozart. Now call TK before another one of those drunken rednecks picks up a guitar and blanks your mind."  
  
"Alright, alright," Tai said in a laugh. "His name is Toby Keith, by the way. Now, if you'll hang up I will call him. I promise."  
  
"Fine, see you later on, Tai."  
  
"Yep. Bye, Koushirou." Koushirou clicked off and Tai was about to hit TK's speed dial number when a flash from the tv caught his eye. "No, you just have to wait, Mr. Chesney, I have to call TK first. He punched the button and waited.  
  
Tai wondered what was going on with TK anyway. He'd been acting odd for quite a while now. TK's usual flavor was missing; it was like having a burger and fries without the fries. He had been turning down opportunity after opportunity to hand around with everyone and that just wasn't like him. Finally a voice answered on the other end.  
  
"Hello?" TK said in a groggy voice.  
  
"Hey TK, didn't wake you up, did I?" Tai asked, already knowing the answer.  
  
"Well, yes actually you did. What's going on, Tai?" TK answered in a worn out voice.  
  
"I'm just calling to see if you were going to come to the party tonight at Mimi's."  
  
"I don't know, Tai. I'm not feeling all that well and everything."  
  
"You have to come, TK, almost everyone will be there. Besides, you've not been to one of our little shebangs in a while."  
  
"I know, it's just that I've been, uh, busy. You know."  
  
"Yeah, but come on, it'll be fun. You have to be there. It isn't the same without little TK there," Tai said in a mock begging voice.  
  
"I don't know Tai. I might," TK told him, hoping that that would be good enough. It wasn't.  
  
"Please TK?" Tai asked very seriously, nearly pleading. "We miss you, TK. Come on. It'll do you good.  
  
TK rolled his eyes and laid his head against his pillow. He didn't want to go, but Tai was asking him. Had it been anyone else. "Okay Tai, I'll be there. It's at seven, right?"  
  
"Uh huh. At Mimi's place, you know, the big lake house?"  
  
"Yeah, I seem to remember it, Tai. I'll be there."  
  
"You promise?"  
  
"For you Tai, yes." TK said as he closed his eyes again and shifted on his bed. "Alright. I'll see you there, TK. Don't be late."  
  
"Okay, Tai. I'll be there at seven. I promise."  
  
"Great!" Tai said, obviously pleased. "See you there." Tai hung up and TK clicked off the phone and tossed it less than gently across his bedroom, landing in his closet.  
  
"Oh man, what have I gotten myself into?" Had it have been any of the other DigiDestined, he'd not have given another thought to telling them no. But it was Tai. For whatever reason he couldn't tell Tai no. Actually, TK knew the reason and he groaned and rolled over again, dreading the upcoming party.  
  
"Some party, huh TK?" Tai asked, kneeling in front of TK. "Huh?" TK replied, seemingly out of sorts. Tai of course didn't seem to notice.  
  
"I asked you if this is a good party."  
  
"Oh. Oh yeah. It's a great party."  
  
"It might be even better if you decide to get out of that chair and socialize with the rest of us."  
  
"You're right. I'll be in there in a few minutes."  
  
"Alright. Don't take too long." Tai stood back up and walked back into the fray.  
  
TK sunk into the chair, wondering for the three-thousandth time why he'd come here. All he wanted to do was sit at home by himself and instead he was at another one of Mimi's and Sora's parties. Don't get TK wrong, it wasn't that he didn't like his friends, not at all. He just needed some downtime in order to try to dig himself out of the deep hole that his life had become. Tai had tried to help in his own misguided way, which brings us back to why TK was sitting in the chair now.  
  
TK sighed and pulled himself out of the chair with a great deal of effort. He pulled off his had and ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back and replacing his hat. "Man, I don't know if I can do this," he said quietly to himself. He walked from the sitting room, following the sound of the music, currently some dance tune that was sweeping the airwaves, and stepped into the den slash party room.  
  
"Hey TK, glad to see you join us," a voice called from his left.  
  
"Hey Sora. Nice party."  
  
"Thanks TK. Enjoy yourself. Wanna dance?"  
  
"A little later," he lied. Dancing was about the last thing on his mind right about now. "Okay but you owe me a dance later." She moved off and started talking to Tai and Koushirou, waving her arms around in a rather excited way.  
  
TK watched them having a good time. They were only talking, but having a much better time than he was. He wandered over to the folding table that was set up in the corner to function as a refreshment table. TK looked over the beverages in front of him and frowned, wishing he'd brought that little bottle from home with him. That might help him get through the evening. It had worked many times already. Instead, he poured himself a coke and headed over to the large patio door.  
  
"TK! What are you doing over there? Come on over and talk to us," Tai called. Tai was surrounded by Daisuke, Sora, Koushirou, and Iori.  
  
"I can't" is what he almost said. Instead he fumbled out "I'm on my way, I'm just watching the clouds roll in." Maybe it wasn't a complete lie, there were some heavy clouds on their way in. The last of the sun was falling and they were a dark purple-black color. The group left him alone for another few minutes before sending an emissary.  
  
"Wow. Nice clouds. Now come on, we're tons more interesting than some clouds." Koushirou grabbed TK's hands and led him back to the group. TK put up only a token resistance. He was quickly engulfed in conversation and did his best to stay up with it. After about twenty minutes he couldn't take any more.  
  
"I'm going to step outside and get some air," he said to the group "I'm sweating like a pig." with that, he stepped out the glass door and onto the deck. He walked to the edge of it, overlooking a lake.  
  
"Oh, man, why can't they see that I don't belong here? Freaks like me should be on exhibit somewhere, not with normal people." With that he leaned over the rail and began a careful study of the water, trying to block out everything around him.  
  
Back inside the party went on, but some people were feeling a little less like partying as they were becoming more and more concerned about TK.  
  
"Man, what is up with TK tonight?" Daisuke asked.  
  
"Tonight? He's been like this for a while now, Daisuke," Koushirou corrected.  
  
"You're right. I've tried to get whatever it is out of him, but I might as well have been talking to a dead tree. He always answers something like 'I'll be alright' or 'don't worry about it'." Sora said.  
  
The small group continued talking, mostly about TK, with one member keeping silent and simply looking out the door at the lone figure on the deck.  
  
A rumble reached TK's ears. Thunder. Not too far, by the sound of it, he figured. Lightning flashed in the distance. One-one thousand, two- one thousand, three-one thousand, Rumble. Honestly TK didn't care in the least. He was busy, deep in thought.  
  
"Of all the people in the world, why'd I have to be me?" he asked the sky. "Why can't I be like everyone else. They're all in there having a great time and I'm out here, trying to figure out--" He was cut off by another burst of thunder.  
  
"Wonderful. Go on, rain!" he told the clouds. They didn't listen, yet. "Come on, do it! Make this night perfect." In response he got a solitary drop on his hand, a precursor of many more to come.  
  
TK put his head on his hands and listened to the sounds of thunder a few miles off. "Why do I have to hurt so bad?" He asked himself and sighed deeply. "Why can't I just be me? Somewhere in this world there has to be someone for me." A lightning stroke flashed in the distance.  
  
Back inside the conversation slowly turned from TK to other things. Tai was having trouble keeping up because thoughts of a certain person kept crowding in his mind. "Is he okay?" "Should I go out there and talk to him?"  
  
"Tai? Hello? Anybody home in there?" Sora asked him.  
  
"Uh, yeah. Sorry, I just was thinking for a little bit you guys."  
  
"I thought I smelled smoke," Koushirou joked.  
  
"Har har, Koushirou. Very funny. I do have the occasional thought now and again."  
  
"About what? Soccer?" Sora asked him. She meant it as a joke, but Tai didn't take it exactly as how she expected. He got quite irritated to put it mildly.  
  
"You know, there is a lot more to me than you know, Sora. I'm not as simple a person as you seem to think I am," Tai snapped at her.  
  
"Tai, that isn't how I -" she tried to apologize.  
  
"Save it Sora." Tai got up and headed for the door. "I'm going to go get some air with TK." He looked directly at her as he opened the door. "Go ahead, talk about me Sora, I'm sure you will once I shut the door." Tai turned from them and slid the door shut just hard enough to rattle a few pictures on the wall. Sora looked at everyone around her with a look that read 'what the hell did I just do'. She got a few sympathetic stares but there was one that told her that she deserved it.  
  
Mist was beginning to fall outside as Tai had his little outburst. He slid the door shut in disgust and turned to face TK. TK was still leaning over the railing, looking at the lake below. He paused, trying to decide if he should walk over there or not. Whenever Tai was alone, he wanted to be alone. He made his mind up to walk to TK and started off. He leaned against the rail next to TK and looked at him.  
  
"Hey TK. Nice night huh?" he asked, then mentally smacked himself. 'Nice night?' oh please.  
  
TK didn't answer him for about three seconds and when he did it seemed like he was just returning from somewhere far off. "Oh, hello Tai."  
  
"TK, are you alright? You've been very un-TK-like for, well, for a while now."  
  
"I'll be fine Tai, don't worry about it."  
  
"That is the same thing you've been saying now for about the last six months. For some reason I think it's time that someone worries about it."  
  
"Tai, please. It's not really something I want to get into, alright?" TK turned to face Tai and Tai got a glimpse of more than one tear-trail streaking down TK's cheeks. This scared Tai more than he'd ever admit, more than any Digimon ever could.  
  
"TK? What's wrong?"  
  
"I can't tell you Tai. Besides, you have a party to go to inside. I wouldn't want to take your fun away from you."  
  
"If you consider Sora talking about you fun, you can take that from me any old day of the week, TK." TK's face was filled with puzzlement. "I've had it with her little picking at me for every little thing that I've ever done wrong, TK. I went off on her and left before I got ugly. It's been building up for a while now and I just let her have it." TK didn't respond to that so Tai continued. "So, since I'm not missing anything inside, why not tell me what's got you this way?"  
  
The rain was falling a little harder now, changing from a mist to a light drizzle. TK looked at TK and Tai could tell that he was considering it. Finally TK spoke. "Are you sure you want me to tell you? It's not anything small, Tai," TK said as he looked out across the lake.  
  
"TK, if something is bothering you, of course I want you to tell me."  
  
"Alright." TK took a very audible deep breath and let it go slowly. "Tai, for the last few years now I've been in a very deep depression. Before you go and say that I have nothing to be depressed about, don't. I've heard that before and I do."  
  
Tai looked at him with wide eyes, wondering what in either this world or the digital world could possibly make this exuberant boy in front of him sad. He also had the sudden urge to find whatever it was and squash the hell out of it, make it hurt, for making TK feel this way. "Alright, I won't say it," Tai said as he looked into TK's eyes. Those eyes were swimming in hurt, Tai could see, barely below the surface.  
  
"For about the last year and a half or so I've been drinking to try to alleviate the pain. It works for a little while and then the pain comes back even harder."  
  
Tai looked at him in total surprise, unable to process that revelation for a few seconds. He thought back in time and tried to remember anytime that TK was happy. He found none in the recent past.  
  
"I would wake up and take a drink or two before I went to school. That way I was numb to the pain when I was in class, but not stupid or anything. I'd take another sip or two after lunch and that would get me through the afternoon classes. Since I was usually home alone, I'd keep it up until I went to sleep at night. The nights are always the worst."  
  
Tai's jaw fell unhinged and he simply looked at TK, unsure of what to say to that. His friend, likely one of his closest, if not best, had just told him that he had been mostly drunk for the last eighteen months. A question formed in Tai's mind and TK saw it before it could be voiced.  
  
"I get it from a friend of a friend. I won't go any further into that aspect of it, so please don't ask who it was."  
  
Tai didn't ask, although he certainly wanted to, mainly so he could go and lay the beat-down on this person. Instead he asked a different question. "Why TK? Why did you never come to any of us?"  
  
"Well, I'm sort of getting to that part, Tai. I know I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense right now, but this is the first time that I've ever talked about this to anyone, so I'm not sure exactly how to do it." Tai looked at TK with a look of understanding and nodded for him to continue, getting curiouser and curiouser.  
  
"At first I wasn't sure what the problem was. I just knew that I wasn't happy with anything anymore. It was like I was living in a world where the colors where washed out and kind of subdued, like a pair of very dirty and very dark sunglasses. Eventually I allowed myself to admit what the problem was and then everything got worse." TK stopped talking and shifted his gaze from Tai to some point on the horizon.  
  
"I prayed every night, Tai, that I'd wake up the next morning as a different person. Someone that wouldn't have to deal with what I was going through. I was always still me, though. Same old TK, same old pain. Nothing would change. I started drinking and then started drinking more. It's gotten to the point where I hurt to be around people, even my friends. It took everything I had to get here tonight, Tai. I nearly couldn't do it. I couldn't tell you no, so I came." TK was now nearly weeping with every word.  
  
"TK, I'm sorry I made you come tonight. If I'd known--" Tai was saying before the look in TK's eyes made him stop in mid thought.  
  
"I guess I came because of you, Tai. Maybe I knew it would happen tonight, that I'd finally tell someone what was going on. I didn't plan on it, but maybe it is for the best after all." TK again looked out over the water, away from Tai's face.  
  
Tai was confused. He had hurt TK by bringing him here, he thought, but at the same time he did a good thing by bringing him here. He pushed the confusion aside, determined to do whatever it took to make TK stop hurting, now and forever.  
  
The rain was beginning to fall in earnest now and TK shuddered. "Maybe I shouldn't do this after all, Tai. I don't want to drag you into this. It might be best for the both of us if I just go home and we forget that this little talk ever happened."  
  
"Oh no, TK," Tai said, not wanting to let him leave, especially not leave hurting.  
  
"Please, TK, tell me. I don't want you to go home like this, so tell me whatever it is. Anything, TK, anything." Tai was nearly begging.  
  
TK looked at him with a look that asked if Tai was sure he wanted to do this. Tai again nodded at him.  
  
"Alright. Here goes." He took another deep breath and continued. "The root of all this, the seed that has caused all this, is that I'm not like the rest of you guys."  
  
"What exactly are you talking about TK?" Tai asked, not quite seeing the path that TK was starting down.  
  
"Tai, for a long time now I've been carrying a dark secret. It freezes me to the core, Tai. It is what sets me apart from the rest of you."  
  
"Whatever it is, TK, I don't care. Tell me. Please. I want to help."  
  
"I don't think you can Tai, it's well, I don't know exactly how to put it."  
  
The rain was heavy them now, flattening their hair and soaking their clothes. TK pushed his hair out of his eyes and looked at Tai. He saw the pleading in them and almost said no. But in the end, he couldn't tell Tai no.  
  
"For quite a while now, Tai, I've known something about myself that everything I've ever learned and heard tells me is wrong. Completely wrong. Like going to hell wrong. I kept hoping that it wasn't true, that it was just a phase as some of the people on the internet have said. It hasn't passed, though." TK looked at Tai and could feel the other boy's empathy. He continued. "I'm gay Tai. For whatever reason, I am. And that isn't the whole of it. For the last few years I've had a crush on you, Tai. It's set my heart on fire to not have been able to tell you. To me, you are everything. The sun, the moon, the earth, the sky, everything."  
  
Tai's mind was whirling like a saw blade. Here he was, standing in the rain with a close friend who had just revealed what he thought was the world's most terrible thing to him. TK continued.  
  
"It's been so hard to be around you Tai, to not be able to say that I love you, to see the sun glint in your hair, the gleam in your eyes, to hold your hand, to hear your laugh, to just be with you." TK was openly crying now. "I'm sorry if I've told you something that you didn't want to hear or deal with, Tai. If you want, just say the word and I will disappear and you'll never have to see me again." TK went silent and waited for Tai to say anything. After what seemed like a lifetime of eternities but was likely no more than ten seconds, Tai spoke.  
  
"TK, the absolute last thing I want is for you to disappear. I don't hate you, if that is what you're thinking. You are also not abnormal, wrong, or anything like that. Whoever told you that is just stupid. Plain old stupid."  
  
"I don't know, Tai," TK started but Tai interrupted him.  
  
"*I* know, TK, believe me. There is nothing wrong with you. You're gay, so what?"  
  
"It's not that simple, Tai. Do you know what everyone will say if they find out?"  
  
"First off, I won't tell a soul if you don't want me to. Second, the TK I know wouldn't give two craps about what anyone else thought. Why else would you have worn that goofy hat for so long?" Tai gave TK a huge smile with that and got a small one in return. That was a start, Tai thought.  
  
"Can I ask you a question, TK? You don't have to answer it if you don't want to."  
  
"Sure, go ahead."  
  
"Why me? What made you crush on me?"  
  
"Well, I guess it is just the way you are, Tai. You have electricity roiling off you, you never judge anyone unnecessarily, I don't know, really. You are just what I've always wanted to be, or at least be with. That might not really answer your question, but it really hard to categorize feelings like that."  
  
Tai paused to reflect. He had always known that a few of the DigiDestined, especially the younger ones, looked to him, but had never been able to figure out why. Now he had an inkling, as well as a feeling that it was time to come clean as TK had done, high time actually.  
  
"Believe me, I know how it is to try to categorize feelings, TK. I've been doing it for years." It was Tai's turn to look over the water. "For a long time I've been trying to figure out my own feelings for someone that the two of us know well." TK felt his heart drop a little as Tai said that. At first I thought it was a protecting thing, then a really good friend thing, and now it's evolved to what it is now." TK looked visibly sad. Tai noticed this and decided it was time to be completely straight, as funny a word as it seemed.  
  
"TK, ever since camp, I've felt things for you. They've evolved to about the same thing that you're going through now. I just wish that you would have said something a lot sooner and saved yourself a lot of grief."  
  
"What? Do you mean what I think you mean, Tai?"  
  
"Yes, TK, I believe I do. I've wanted to run my hand through your hair, see you smile at me, hold you at night, for so long now. It hurt me so that I had to talk to someone about it or I might have gone down the same road you did."  
  
"Who did you tell?" TK asked with his mouth wide open.  
  
"Koushirou. I went over to his house for a sleepover a while back and we talked until about four in the morning. I didn't know if I could do it or not, but once I started I couldn't stop talking. It was like a huge release. I was feeling the same things that you were and he helped me work through them. I just wish that you'd have done the same thing. Carrying this load on your own is very rough, I know from first hand experience."  
  
TK just looked at him with astonishment. Tai spoke again.  
  
"You know, TK, it is raining a little out here. Why don't we take a little walk? What do you think?"  
  
"I, I think I'd like that, Tai. Let's go."  
  
Tai slipped an arm around TK and the two of them walked away from the railing and passed in front of the glass door. Inside, two people were looking out, Sora and Koushirou. Sora looked in astonishment, but Koushirou only smiled at him. Tai waved at him and the two of them walked down the steps and down the walkway and out to the road. Tai looked down at TK and they shared a huge, warm smile. As they faded into the relative darkness of the street TK slipped an arm around Tai's waist.  
  
Well, thanks for reading. I'm not really sure why Sora became a bitch- I didn't plan it like that when I started, but it just sort of fell into place. Do an author a favor and click that little box that allows you to review. I would be oh so grateful. And Clear Skies, hope you enjoyed. 


End file.
